


And so the feeling grows

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluffy Angst, Four Weddings AU, M/M, Robron Secret Valentine 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 14:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: “He hates weddings, the wedding of an ex especially. Family is fine, that’s always fun, especially his family because no one knows how to party quite like the Dingles.”---Or, if you prefer, the vaguest Four Weddings and a Funeral AU that nobody asked for.





	And so the feeling grows

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the Robron Secret Valentine 2018 exchange on tumblr, for the lovely @Aarondingel.

“Fuck.” He’s late, had overslept and now he was out of breath from rushing. Always a good look. He didn’t even know why he’d agreed to go in the first place. He hates weddings, the wedding of an ex especially. Family is fine, that’s always fun, especially his family because no one knows how to party quite like the Dingles.

The invite had come out of the blue. He and Ed had kept in touch on Facebook and he knew that he played for team near Harrogate now, but they hadn’t spoken since he’d left France. Then the invite had turned up.

He opens the door to the function room in the hotel, wincing as he catches his foot on it making everyone look round at the idiot who’s late. He slips into a seat at the back, keeping his head down, can feel his cheeks heating up. He doesn’t take a single word of the ceremony in and as soon as it’s done, he slips back out of the room, more than ready to get to the reception and have a drink.

He’s here on his own, which means he’ll stick out like a sore thumb. His Mum had suggested he invite Finn and he’d actually laughed in her face. She just didn’t understand that it had been one night when he was worse for wear and just out of prison. Finn got it and they were friends now but the hopeful look on her face every time the two of them met for a drink was beginning to get on his nerves. Then again most things did these days. He’d felt stuck in a rut ever since he’d come back from France.

Then he’d had Victoria in his ear telling him that weddings were good places to find the love of your life. Looking around at the guests milling about while everyone waited for the happy couple to arrive he couldn’t help but snort at himself, the place was full of couples. He was more likely to find someone on a night out with Pearl than he was here.

He turned back to face the bar, hoping another drink would make things more bearable, just about to give his order when he felt someone crash into his side.

“Oi, watch what you’re doing.”

“Sorry.” He just shook his head, not even looking over at whoever it was, signalling at the barman once more. “Let me get that.” Finally he looks over at the man beside him. He hadn’t seen him at the church, he would surely have noticed.

“Cheers. Pint please. I’m Aaron, by the way.”

“Robert. You look how I feel. Weddings not your thing?” He had to raise his voice, the cheesy pop music suddenly increasing in volume and Aaron can’t help notice just how close he is, mouth next to his ear, drying up the words in his throat. He settles for shaking his head. “Christ, is he trying to blow out everyone’s ear drums? You want to head outside for some air?”

The fresh cool air feels good after the stuffiness of the hotel bar and the pair of them perch on a wall overlooking the gardens. It’s still light enough that he can see the blue of his eyes, the freckles dotted over his face, and the light is catching his blonde hair. It’s been a while since he felt like this about someone he’s just met and then he shakes himself.

“How do you know ‘em then?”

“Used to work with Michael before I moved to London. Somehow we stayed in touch. What about you?”

“Ed’s my ex. Met him when the team bus broke down and he came into my Uncle’s garage.” Calm down Aaron, he doesn’t want your life story, he chided himself.

“Never met him before they seem good together. Mechanic, eh? I used to be a mechanic, not a good one mind. Probably where my love of cars comes from though.”

“Oh yeah? What do you drive then?”

“Audi R8.” Aaron couldn’t stop the low whistle that escaped at that. “You want to see?” He nodded and let himself follow Robert towards the car park. He had that feeling, fervently hoping he wasn’t wrong.

“You got anywhere to be?” It’s out of the blue and it isn’t, he’s seen Robert looking as he’d took a good look at the car.

“No. You?” He shook his head.

“Whatever will we do?”

*****

When he woke the next morning it was still dark, Robert snoring behind him. He let himself luxuriate in sharing a bed with someone for a little while before quietly getting up and taking his clothes into the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror, the harsh light hurting his eyes.

It was one night, Robert had made that clear, it couldn’t be any more than that. He knew that. They were too different. He was a mechanic in a tiny village garage, a job he got because he’s family, and Robert, well he’s obviously loaded and there was the fact he lived in London. Aaron didn’t know much about fashion but he knew expensive suits, and that car cost a fortune.

No it was best he left, let it be just what it was.

Of course it didn’t work out that way. When he opened the door to make his departure, he found Robert staring back at him, head resting on his arms, lounging in bed, grin lighting up his face.

“You running out on me?”

“Yeah, uh, gotta get back. Work.”

“It’s Sunday.” He sighed and sat up letting the sheet fall to his waist. “Right, give us your phone.”

“What for? One night you said. I got the message.”

“Never know when I might need a good mechanic.” He shook his head at the smug grin and passed over his phone. “There. Maybe see you around then.”

“Maybe you will.”

He spent the journey home convincing himself that it was just a line, didn’t mean anything, probably wasn’t even the right number. A part of him couldn’t help but hope.

*****

Fucking Robert. He’d just got to the point where he could stop replaying that night over in his head when his phone lit up a week or so later with a message.

*Up on business. Fancy meeting up?*

*I’m working.*

*All night? ;)*

He left it a while before answering, imagining Robert growing ever more impatient. When he signed off the paperwork on the car he’d been fixing he picks his phone back up, ignoring Dan’s knowing look.

*Fine. I finish at 5.*

*Don’t sound too excited will you? I’ve got a hotel. Bardon Park in Hotten. I’ll be there about 7.*

Well that was his workday finished. He couldn’t concentrate worth a damn and in the end Cain sent him home with a few choice words. He was glad, it gave him plenty of time to get ready.

He so nearly got out the door without an interrogation from his Mum. At this point he was pretty sure she had spy cameras in the hallway because she was there right as his foot hit the bottom step.

“Cain said he sent you home because you were as useful as a chocolate spanner, kept texting he said. Who is he?”

“No one you know. I’m late.” He tried to get past, but she was too good, knew him too well and pressed a hand to his chest stopping him in his tracks.

“I’m your Mum, I care about you.”

“Yeah I know you do. I don’t ask you about you and Paddy though do I?” He never did, would rather poke his own eyes out than even think about it. “I’m just getting a drink with a mate, nothing for you to get excited about.”

“Mmm, and this drink, going to take all night?” She nodded at the rucksack slung over his shoulder.

“Goodnight Mother.”

All the way to the hotel he’s replaying it again.He couldn’t get the man out of his head, the feel of his hands running across his body, how his lips felt against his own. He’d never admit it but he’d been hoping he’d hear from him again no matter how many times he convinced himself it was one night. He was right about him being loaded though, he thought as he drew up to the hotel. It was way out of his league and he was glad he’d worn his suit.

*****

“Now aren’t you glad you sacked off work?” He let out a laugh, leaning back against the extremely comfortable pillows.

“Think a lot of yourself, don’t ya?”

“I do as it happens.” He turns on his side, resting his head on his arm. “So, what do you do when you’re not slaving away over an engine?”

“Not much. I live in a tiny village. Not much on offer. Still getting used to being home.” He was surprised at himself, he never did this, always avoided awkward small talk, so why did he feel he could tell him anything?

“Oh yeah? From anywhere good?”

“France. Moved there with Ed. I…well s’pose it don’t matter now…I took the blame for something and skipped bail. At the time it was better than staying.” He catches Robert’s frown and wants to kick himself. “I’m not some criminal…it was my best mate, wanted to protect him, needed to know I could protect someone.”

“I wasn’t thinking that. Must be some mate.”

“He is. So, come on, what about you?”

“Well nothing as exciting as that. Left home at nineteen, got myself on the bottom rung of the ladder at this agricultural machinery business and worked my way up.” He rolled closer, hands running down Aaron’s side to clutch at his hip. “So, you want to keep talking?” He barely had time to shake his head before Robert was kissing him.

They did talk more though, when they were both exhausted and he was held tight in Robert’s arms. Robert’s voice was quiet as he told him about being sent away. It was getting light when he was the one faltering over his words. He’d seen Robert looking, knew he’d guessed and felt his fingers graze lightly over them by accident. So he told him, expecting pity maybe, or disgust. Again Robert surprised him, just holding him tighter, pressing kisses into his hair. He thinks they slept, must have. When he comes to, the sun’s streaming in and Robert’s sat up, cup of coffee in hand.

“Morning.”

“Mmm.” He’s shy suddenly, can’t believe he told him all he did. “Sorry…for, you know. I kind of unloaded on you last night. Bit heavy weren’t it?”

“Aaron.” He’s kneeling up beside him now and he feels his breath stutter as he looks up at him. “None of that matters to me, you know. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Not like it’s anything serious anyway.”

“About that.” His voice sounds off, and Aaron’s self preservation kicks in and he’s pulling away, trying to get up. “Will you listen before you run?”

“We both know what this is. You live hours away so…”

“You’re alright with that?” He nods, tells himself he is. He doesn’t need serious right now, and well who would turn down someone like Robert. “I…I’m back up here in a few weeks if you…”

“Wow. I’m overwhelmed. Think I’m just going to hang around waiting for you to turn up then do you?” He can’t help teasing, poking lightly at his chest, wanting to lighten the atmosphere.

“Well I wouldn’t have put it quite like that…but…look it can’t be more, not at the moment, but I like you.”

“Alright, no need to get soppy.” He can’t resist one more kiss though, knows he’ll have to leave soon or he’ll get hell from Cain. “So, do you get breakfast in a fancy place like this or what?”

*****

So they carry on. Somehow Robert manages to get away from London a few times a month, some of their best customers are in the north he says. Aaron doesn’t question it, neither does he take any notice of the niggle in the back of his brain because for the first time he feels something like happiness and well, he’s going to make the most of it.

It’s the end of January when he starts to let those doubts come, when he hasn’t heard from Robert in weeks. He’d not seen him since before Christmas, a holiday booked ages ago he’d said, but they had chatted for hours on the phone. Then the calls and the texts stopped.

He’s in the pub idly considering texting Robert one more time when Vic sidles up to him, a pleading look on her face, obviously wanting a favour.

“Why me? You know I hate weddings!” He shakes his head at her when she finally comes out with what she wants, company for her brother’s wedding. He’s heard all about him, mostly from his Mum, mostly bad things and the last thing he wants is to go to some stranger’s wedding. “I thought you said he lived down south anyway. Why’s he getting married up here?”

“It’s the hotel where Chrissie’s parents met or something…whatever. Please, Aaron. I don’t want to go on my own and Adam can’t get back from Holly’s for another couple of weeks.”

“Why can’t you take Finn?”

“He’s busy. Come on, if I know my brother it’ll be right fancy.” Well she was probably right about that going on what he’s heard, and let’s face it he could never say no to her when her mind was set on something.

“Fine. You owe me.”

That’s how he ends up on the side of the road bent over the engine of his car, Vic shouting at him from inside. Of course his car chose today to break down, when he’s in his best suit and Vic’s stubbornly sitting in the passenger seat because it’s raining and it’ll ruin her dress. He’s soaked through by the time he manages to find the loose connection.

“Well we’re going to look a right pair turning up like this.”

“I didn’t know it was going to break down did I?” He doesn’t want to be here, had tried to get out of it numerous times, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

They’re late, of course, and by the time they take their seats, and even he can’t deny how good it looks, and how expensive. Vic’s nearly in tears because it’s been years since she’s seen him and she’s thinking about her Mum and Dad. He sighs good naturedly and puts an arm around her.

Not minutes later he’s wishing she would do the same for him because he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing. Robert, walking down the aisle towards him, his new bride beside him. Of course he’d known Vic’s brother was called Robert, but he’d not even considered that they might be the same person. Why would he? He ducks his head so that he doesn’t see, and before long Vic is ushering him through to the enormous marquee.

He should have known, should have questioned why Robert would keep coming so far from home, because it’s not like he was anything special after all. Now he just feels stupid and he wants to go home. He won’t do it to Vic, knows how much she’s missed her brother and resigns himself to sticking it out.

He’s clutching a glass of champagne that had been thrust into his hand despite his protests, when they make their grand entrance. He can’t deny that Robert looks good, they make the perfect couple he thinks bitterly.

It’s when they’re making the rounds of the room that they finally come face to face, and this time Aaron looks him straight in the eye, enjoying the discomfort, the shock that flits across his face. He can’t say anything because Vic is right there, not to mention his wife and Aaron can’t help the feeling of satisfaction. Then they’re gone and Vic is gushing about her new sister-in-law and he suddenly wants to find the bar, but he can’t even indulge because he’s got to drive.

They’re on the same table for dinner, Vic’s family of course, and thanks to that he enjoys the meal more than he thought he would, maybe it’s because he can sense Robert’s unease at seeing him. Later when he’s outside escaping Vic’s attempts to get him to dance he feels a hand on his elbow and there’s Robert.

“What are you doing here?” He’s hissing and angry like a cat.

“Shocked are we?”

“I don’t even…How do you know Vic?”

“I’m one of her best mates, which you’d know if you’d bothered getting in touch with her in the past decade!”

“You don’t know anything about my family!”

“Certainly not from you, judging by today! Forget to mention your fiance did you? Slipped your mind? Just go away Robert. When today is over you can go on with your life and I’ll go on with mine. At least I know why you stopped calling. Find out did she? Get a little close?”

That seems to get a reaction and he grabs Aaron’s arm, pulling him round the corner out of sight and then his mouth is on Aaron’s and it takes all his willpower to push his hands against his chest to stop him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Don’t. It’s not like that. You were just…a last bit of fun, that’s all it was ever meant to be.” He’s not staying to listen to this, walks away, only for Robert to stop him. “Wait…I’ve spent months trying to get you out of my head, but you’re always there.”

“I don’t want to hear it. Go back to your wife, Robert.”

“I thought if I stopped calling, texting that I could forget you, but there was always something…I should have told you. I…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, it’s too late now. Just go. Leave it as what it was. A fling. It’s over now.”

“It doesn’t have to be. We could carry on, it doesn’t change anything.” Aaron wants to laugh at the pleading look on his face. He’s got everything and yet still he wants more.

“You haven’t even been married five hours and you’re already looking elsewhere. Why exactly should I put up with that?”

“Because we’re good together.”

“I thought so too but you told me over and over that it was nothing, just a distraction. So what’s changed now that you’re married?”

“Aaron, please just listen.”

“Does she know? Have you got someone different in towns all over the country?” He doesn’t even let Robert protest, just starts walking away. He feels foolish, had known what this was all along, but the longer it went on the more his feelings had grown.

“Aaron wait!” He’s grabbing his arm, desperation in his voice. “There’s no one else. I told you, it was more than just sex.”

“Obviously not if you’re still with her.”

“Come on, Aaron. I’m going to be up here on business a lot more, Lawrence, Chrissie’s Dad wants to expand. We, er, might be moving up here permanently. It’d be easier, I could see you more often.” For a second he thinks about it, how good it could be, while they were alone, but the other times would be too hard, too lonely.

“You just want me on tap for when you’re bored. Glad to know how highly I rate for you. I won’t say this again, go to hell Robert!” This time he did walk away, leaving Robert staring after him.

He stays out of his way the rest of the night and if Vic notices anything out of the ordinary she doesn’t mention it. He’d wanted to leave straight away but whatever he thinks Robert’s her brother and she deserves to enjoy whatever time they have together. He’s glad though when she finally says she’s ready to leave. He’s more than ready to go and never look back.

*****

Life goes on they say and he doesn’t complain when Adam drags him out on a night in Hotten even though he’s not in the mood. It’s away from the village and his Mum’s concerned gaze.

Robert texts a few times and Aaron couldn’t help but feel sorry for Chrissie. She’d seemed nice and didn’t deserve her husband texting someone else while on their honeymoon. He gets the message in the end, when Aaron ignores him because they stop after a few days. Aaron absolutely does not take any notice of the photos that Vic keeps showing him from Robert’s Facebook, nor does he eavesdrop when she and Diane are chatting in the backroom and he hears Robert’s name.

He’s over him. It was nothing after all, wasn’t it?

*****

He thinks he’s fine, and life in the village carries on as it always does, the place full of excitement at the prospect of a wedding. If he’s honest though, he’d prefer it if he never attended another wedding in his life.

“Aaron!” He grimaces as he hears his Mum bellow up the stairs. He can’t get a minutes peace, the place is full of noise and people getting ready for Andy and Katie’s wedding tomorrow and he’s doing all he can to keep out of getting roped in to helping.

“What?”

“I need some crates bringing up from the cellar.”

“What’s with all the fuss?” He asks her as they pass in the cellar. “Diane’s been flapping all day and Vic nearly took my head off earlier.”

“The prodigal son is coming home. Robert. Vic’s doing, wants them all to make peace. Hasn’t been seen back here for years and now they’re rolling out the red carpet for him. Arriving tonight apparently. Could be fireworks at the party. Crates Aaron!” He shakes himself from his stupor and heads down to the cellar.

Of course, of course he’s coming back just when Aaron had started to think he was over him, could move on and forget. He can’t even get out of the village for the weekend, avoid him altogether, he’s been roped into being one of Andy’s ushers. Goodness knows why they need them in the tiny church but what Katie wants, she gets.

He’s on edge all night, jumping every time the door opens and Adam is looking at him weird, like he knows something is up. Vic is muttering about Robert being late and Andy is scowling every time his name is mentioned.

It’s nearly nine when he arrives and he will deny until his dying day that his heart leapt when he saw him again, mood plummeting seconds later when Chrissie follows him through the door. What did you expect, he chides himself, heading up to the bar for another drink, not sticking around for a family reunion.

He stays at the bar, making conversation with Paddy, avoiding getting back to the table however he can. Everyone is expecting something to kick off but they’re all on good behaviour so the pub starts to empty when they’re denied their entertainment. He takes his chance to escape up to his room unnoticed.

He gets through the next morning on little to no sleep. Thankfully he doesn’t see any of the Sugdens, stays in his room, out of the way until he’s needed at the church. When he’s there, he does his job, even when it falls to him to show Chrissie and Robert to their seats. He stoically ignores Robert’s attempts to make eye contact.

Everything goes off without a hitch and before he knows it Andy and Katie are walking back down the aisle. He’s done his duty, now he can have a drink, or two.

He’s getting some air, wandering around the village when he hears shouting. He’s by the shop when he sees Robert burst out of the pub, followed by an angry Chrissie. He can’t hear what they’re saying but it’s pretty clear they’re not happy. A few seconds later he watches as Chrissie walks off towards the B&B, heels clicking loudly on the road, and Robert’s left standing there. He’s not quick enough to stay out of sight and he knows Robert’s seen him.

He doesn’t stay, because he can’t avoid him now he knows, but anyone can see them here. He ends up at the pavilion, no one ever comes out there at night. He’s sat on the steps waiting before Robert gets to him and he watches as he climbs up the hill.

“Can’t believe this place is still standing. Got up to some stuff here in my time.”

“Well it is. Why did you come here?”

“It’s my brother’s wedding, and about time I visited my family.” He drops down onto the steps nudging Aaron along and he can’t help but notice their thighs are touching, making it difficult to concentrate.

“Don’t give me that. You haven’t bothered about them before and I bet if I hadn’t ignored your texts you wouldn’t have even now.”

“That’s not fair. You know I missed them. Why I hadn’t come home before now. Do you have any idea how it felt coming back?”

“So I never crossed your mind?” He can’t look at him, focuses on the village in the distance instead. “How I’d feel seeing you, with her?”

“I didn’t say that. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you!”

“Don’t.” He can feel it, that wall he’s built up, it’s crumbling piece by piece.

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“So much so that you brought your wife with you, just in case.”

“I could hardly tell her she couldn’t come. She wanted to meet everyone.” He sighs and looks down at his feet. “Married life isn’t what I thought it would be.”

“Clipped your wings has it?”

“I told you, you were the only person who…oh what’s the point.” He gets up, shoving his hands in his pockets and shivers. “You should probably know, we’re moving into Home Farm soon. Her Dad used to live round here, so we’ll likely be running to each other. That gonna be ok?” Aaron can hear it, the change in tone, harsh, and not anything like the Robert he knows.

“I’m sure I’ll cope.”

“Yeah, well see you around, Aaron.” He has no idea what makes him do it, he’d blame alcohol but he’s not had all that much. He gets up and grabs Robert’s shoulder.

“You meant something to me too. You know that, don’t you?” He doesn’t answer, just nods and Aaron can’t be sure but he thinks he sees a tear, tells himself he’s imagining it. “Night Robert.” He reaches up, presses a kiss to his cheek and makes himself walk away.

*****

He expects it to be difficult, seeing Robert around the village, and it is at first. He starts avoiding the pub when he’s in, staying in the backroom ignoring the comments it brings. It’ll get easier, he tells himself, in the end. The only consolation if there is one, is that Robert looks just as miserable.

They don’t talk bar the odd word if they pass in the cafe, and he misses him. It might only have been a few days all tolled but he misses his smile, his voice, everything. He finds himself hovering his finger over the call button on his phone more times than he wants to mention but he always stops himself. Nothing’s changed, Robert’s still married, that’s all there is to it.

They manage to avoid being alone until Robert brings his car into the garage a month or so later and Aaron’s minding the shop on his own.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Feels like something’s slipping. I’d do it but…well I was never really that good.” Aaron can’t help but be distracted by how good he looks in the blue shirt he’s wearing under his leather jacket.

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll look. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

“I’ll wait.” When he looks up from the paperwork he’s doing, Robert’s lounging in Cain’s desk chair, broad grin in place. “Hardly worth me going home if it’s something simple.”

“Robert, don’t…” He can’t do this.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“And you’re surprised about that are you? I mean it Robert, don’t, or I’m going home and you can wait for Cain to fix your car. Given what he says about you I doubt it’ll be fast or cheap.”

All of a sudden, Robert’s backing him up against the car he’s meant to be finishing. “There’s nothing wrong with the car. I just needed to see you, talk to you…but not here. Come for a drive with me and after that I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want.”

What possesses him he doesn’t know but he shucks off his overalls, texting Cain to say he’s ill and locks the door, all the while ignoring Robert’s smirk until they’re speeding out of the village.

“So, come on then, what’s so important that you had to drag me from work?”

“There wasn’t really that much dragging involved.” He doesn’t say any more until they’re parked in a layby in the middle of nowhere.

“Talk Robert. I’m fast running out of patience.”

“Are you happy, Aaron?”

“Why does it matter to you?”

“I miss you and…I need to know I’m doing the right thing.” His knuckles are white he’s gripping the steering wheel that tightly.

“You’re not making any sense. You’re married. That’s it. I told you, I’m not going to be some bit on the side, and if that’s all you’re here for, I’m going home.” He’s got the car door open before Robert stops him. “Let go of me, Robert. You made your choice!”

“What if I made the wrong one?” He’s shouting, desperate, clutching onto Aaron’s arm but he’s done listening and he wrenches himself away.

“You should have thought of that before you said I do.” He strides away not looking back, ignoring Robert shouting his name.

*****

This time he really does push him to the back of his mind, takes himself off into Hotten the next few nights, away from the village and the possibility of running into him. He’s not looking for anything except a bit of peace.

One morning he wakes up to shouting from downstairs, his head pounding. Rolling over to go back to sleep is pointless against the noise so he stumbles his way downstairs and finds the backroom full of his Mum, Diane, Vic and Adam.

“It’s Robert, pet. Nothing for you to worry about.” She’s gone before he can answer, Vic and Adam following in her wake. He can do nothing but look to his Mum for an explanation.

“Turns out he hasn’t changed all that much. Upped and left his wife, and them only married a few months.” He sinks onto the sofa, trying to school his face so she doesn’t suspect anything but his mind is whirling.

“What, er…what happened?”

“There’s someone else, of course. He says it’s over but all that time before their wedding he was carrying on. Always been the same that one.”

“Mum!”

“It’s the truth! He rang Vic this morning, told her everything. He’s holed up in some hotel, can’t even face the music in person. That’s not even the best bit. Apparently it was some bloke he was seeing.” She moves into the kitchen having doled out the gossip and all he can do is sit there stunned.

He takes his chance and slips back up the stairs. When he checks his phone he finds numerous missed calls and texts and he can’t decide what to do. He waits, takes a shower before he calls him back, making sure the door to his room is locked.

“Aaron? Thank God!”

“So you’ve had a day?” Robert breathes out a laugh. “Where are you?”

“That hotel, the first one we…Can I…I need to see you.”

“Give me an hour.” He gets dressed in record time, slipping out of the back door of the pub before anyone sees him. He’s packed a bag, will text his Mum and Cain later when he knows what’s what. Maybe he’s being stupidly optimistic that Robert will want him to stay, guesses he’ll find out.

He barely has time to think before he’s pulling into a parking space and his heart is thumping as he walks up the stairs to the room. He just stares at him when he opens the door. He looks awful, shadows under his eyes, hair all over the place, not at all like his usual put together self.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Said I would, didn’t I?” He nudges him back so he can close the door and then Robert’s clinging to him. “Hey, what’s this?”

“I couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t stop thinking about you, wondering if things were different, could we be happy. Then I realised I wanted to try, wanted to be with you.”

“You…you’ve just done this because I knocked you back. That’s all, you’ll change your mind, regret it or something soon enough.” He would because why would he choose the local greasemonkey who still lived with his Mum, when he could have Chrissie, the fancy house, the money. No he wouldn’t give up that lifestyle for him.

“I won’t. Aaron, I came out to my family, does that tell you how serious I am?” He’s still not convinced but he nods, leads him to sit on their hands clasped together.

“How did Chrissie take it?”

“I got a hell of a slap. I mean I deserve it but…then when I told Vic, she yelled at me too. I think that hurt more than anything.” He reaches up to stroke his cheek, the barest of red marks still there.

“That’s just Vic, she’ll come round. What about Diane?”

“Got the ‘your Dad would be so disappointed in you’ speech from her.” That made Aaron wrap his arms around him. He knows how he feels about Jack, just another of their late night conversations where he told him what happened. “She was nice as well…you know, when I told her everything, but…”

There’s not a lot he can say so he doesn’t, he just keeps hold of him lets him talk, presses kisses to his temple until he’s done.

“So what now?” They’re in bed and it’s dark outside. They’ve been talking for hours, about everything but what needs to be said.

“I, er, called my solicitor when I got here.” He looks over, senses something and there’s a knot forming in his stomach. “We have to be married a year before we can file for divorce. He suggested it would be easier if there was no one else involved, would be over a lot quicker.”

“What?”

“Chrissie thinks it’s over. If she found out, she’d fight me, and the last thing I want is to drag you into this.”

“So what, I can’t see you for…three months?” It’s not that long, but now they’re so close he doesn’t know how to feel.

“Just under. If she even suspects…it’s not about the money or anything, it’s just the best way. We’ll have time though, when it’s over, all the time we want, yeah? I love you, Aaron, I thought you knew that.”

“I do…of course I do. I…love you too. It’s just, the thought of not seeing you now that I can whenever I want.”

“I know, but we’ll get through it. It’s not that long.”

He sits up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, away from Robert. “Guess I should go then.”

“No…stay tonight, please. No one knows where I am. I…don’t want to be alone, not right now.” He sighs, never has been able to resist him, and gets back into bed. They’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.

*****

He didn’t think it would be that difficult, staying away. After all, they’d been apart pretty much the whole time but it was torture, knowing that Robert wanted him and not being able to do anything about it. They still called each other and Robert had found himself a flat in Leeds, wanting to stay away from the village but he wouldn’t budge on letting Aaron go round. He understood, he really did but the days were going so slowly.

As always he seems to find out the news after everyone else when he walks into the pub a few weeks later, long faces everywhere and none of the usual noise, just murmured conversations.

“What’s up?” He asks his Mum as she pulls his pint.

“Hiya love. It’s that Lawrence, you know from Home Farm. Dead. Heart attack apparently.”

He nods, not really that interested, the man hadn’t spent that much time in the village in the end, but his mind immediately went to Robert, whether he knew, resolving to call him once he’d finished his pint.

He goes to the funeral, because his Mum is nosy and won’t go alone. The last thing he wants is to be anywhere near it, and he’s suffering having gone out with Adam the night before.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Running back to the money, looks like.” He looks up from the floor, trying to ignore his pounding head. That profile is unforgettable. Robert. Arm in arm with Chrissie.

“I…I need to go Mum.” He has to, can’t stay here, can’t watch this.

“What? Aaron you can’t just walk out of a funeral.” She’s hissing at him but he’s already moving, not listening. He feels sick. Why did he trust him, why did he ever believe he wanted him.

He makes it outside, ignoring the funny looks he gets and all but runs to the pub, pulling at his tie. It’s not until he’s in his room that he lets out the tears that are burning his eyes, tears of anger and he doesn’t know what else. His phone lights up and he’s tempted to ignore it, but he doesn’t. He’d left it behind the night before and had spent the night on Adam’s sofa, hadn’t had chance to check it when he got back. It’s full of messages from Robert.

*I need to see you.*

*Aaron, call me!*

They were all the same, obviously him panicking, trying to tell him, more excuses. He deletes them all, throws the phone onto the side and collapses onto the bed. He doesn’t know how long he lays there but it’s darker when he sits up hearing a quiet knock on his door before it swings open revealing Robert. He hates how he automatically feels his heart skip at the sight of him, how he notices that he looks good in his suit.

“I don’t want to hear it, Robert.”

“You didn’t answer my texts.”

“Forgot my phone. Thought we shouldn’t be seen together?”

“Just hear me out.”

“No, because it’ll be the same lies as before. You’ve obviously come to your senses, realised it’s her you want, not me. I don’t blame you, compared to her what can I give you?”

“No that’s not it!” Aaron shakes his head, tries pushing Robert from the room but he won’t budge. “Her father died! She asked me to. Her sister didn’t come home and it was just her and Lachlan, she called and she shouldn’t have been on her own…you know I’m trying to keep her onside… For us Aaron, so we can be together! I told you!”

“When did you know?” Robert looks blank. “That you were going to be with her today. When did you know?”

“Uh…a few days ago. Look…”

“No you look. You could have called me any time, explained, asked if I minded or whatever. But no, you leave it until first thing this morning. What was it, forgot you’d need to get me onside again?”

“No! I supposed I knew you’d react like this. Nothing’s changed. I told you how I feel!”

“You’ve told me a lot of things. Maybe you could give me a clue which ones to believe? Should I start with ‘you mean something to me’, ‘I’ve left her’, or my favourite ‘I love you Aaron’? Go to hell Robert!”

“Aaron please! Come to mine tomorrow, we can talk. You know how I feel.”

“I thought I did. Go back to your perfect little life and leave me alone.” Finally he pushes him from the room and slams the door in his face, throwing himself back down on the bed. He was stupid to think he could have what he wanted, what might make him happy. That didn’t happen to him, he should just accept it.

Robert doesn’t call again, he half expects him to, but his phone stays silent. He tells himself that he’s not disappointed, that it’s for the best, but it hurts all the same.

*****

It’s Adam and Victoria who manage to drag him out of his misery, announcing they’ve set a date for their wedding in the pub on her birthday, Adam asking him to be best man.

It’s later when his heart sinks because of course Robert will be there, and he doesn’t know if he can face seeing him, probably with Chrissie back on his arm. He leaves them celebrating, slips out of the pub, perching on one of the pub tables out front, bottle in hand. He doesn’t know how he’s got through the past month. He knows his Mum has noticed, keeps asking what’s wrong, even getting Paddy and Cain to try and talk to him. He knows it’s only a matter of time before they crack through the wall he’s put up.

“What’s the matter with you face ache? It’s your round!” He can’t help smiling because it’s Adam. “You’re meant to be helping me get drunk.”

“That’s the stag night, idiot.”

“Nah, come on, there’s something goin’ on.” He crashes into him as he climbs up beside him, laughing his head off.

“Just weddings ain’t it.”

“Tell me. I know you remember.” He picks at the label on the beer bottle, wondering what to say. He supposes it doesn’t matter, it’s got to be just days until Robert’s divorce comes through if it’s still even happening, and why should he care anymore. Except he does. Still Adam won’t spill, he trusts him.

“Met a bloke. When I went to Ed’s wedding.”

“Yes lad! So why does that have you moping out here?”

“Get stuffed, am I!”

He tells him though, about the hotels, finding out he was married, everything. Except who he is.

“He must be special, all this time…you sure it’s a no go?”

“Not if I can’t trust him.” He lets out a breath. “It’s Robert.”

“Huh, what is?”

“How much have you had? The bloke. It’s Robert. Your future brother-in-law.”

“No way!” He cackles with laughter and Aaron shoves at his shoulder to shut him up.

“Alright, don’t overdo it. You can’t say anything, not even to Vic.”

“Yeah, yeah. So what are you going to do? I know you, you wouldn’t be this bothered if you didn’t still feel something.” Of course he does, but that’s not the point.

“Never mind that, let’s get you married first shall we?”

*****

He hates weddings. Always something to go wrong. This time it’s the lack of flowers. He’s not sure how he gets roped into sorting it out, not entirely sure why it’s so important, but he’s the best man and everyone else is trying calm Vic down so it’s fallen to him to try and sort it out.

“Crisis over.” He strides back into the church. They were delivered to the farm. Pete’s bringing them down.” There’s not a big congregation, just Vic’s family, Moira, Cain and his Mum and Paddy. “Vic? It’s fine.” He looks to Adam for help when she won’t stop crying.

“Robert’s not coming.” He whispers, and Aaron can’t deny the disappointment that runs through him. He’s done his best to put him out of his mind but he’s still there, can’t forget about him. “He rang the other night but she’d convinced herself he’d turn up anyway.”

“Never was reliable, was he?”

The wedding goes without any more hitches. Halfway through he hears the church door open and looks round, feels his heart skip. Robert’s there, slipping into a seat at the back. Vic’s all smiles again. He can’t stop himself from glancing over. He looks good, tanned he notices and then scoffs to himself. It’s all round the village that Chrissie had taken herself and Lachlan off abroad, looks like it was with Robert.

He tries to concentrate, hands over the rings when he’s supposed to. When they’re done signing the register he looks back round to find an empty seat.

“He just left.” Vic’s hugging him and whispering in his ear. “You can still catch him.”

“What?”

“He told me everything. I only kept quiet because he told me to.”

“There’s no point Vic, he’s back with her.”

“Chrissie? No he’s not Aaron. I promise.” He’s misheard, has to have done. He was so sure. “Vic…do you mind?”

“Go get him.”

He does, almost shoving Andy out of the way as he goes, ignoring his Mum’s questions. He runs shoes loud on the floor. It’s pouring with rain and he’s soaked within seconds of getting outside the church. He’s sure it’s pointless and when Robert’s nowhere in sight he’s sure he’s missed his chance. Maybe though, just maybe. He runs, doesn’t stop until he’s in sight of the pavilion and there he is, sitting up on the steps trying to stay dry. He hasn’t seen Aaron and before he can reach him he’s getting up, starting to walk away.

“Robert!” He can’t let him go again, risk never seeing him again. He stops but he doesn’t look his way so he runs up the hill until he’s standing right in front of him. “Why did you leave?”

“I…couldn’t face you ignoring me I suppose. I’m sorry, about the funeral, about everything.”

“I don’t care. Are you…it’s definitely over?” Robert just smiles and pulls a letter out of his pocket, hands it to him. “What’s this?”

“Decree absolute. Came through yesterday. It’s what made me come today…wanted to show you, but in the end I couldn’t face it.”

“It’s really over?” He feels like an idiot to keep asking but he has to be sure.

“I haven’t seen her since the funeral. Have you…?” He looks nervous and it makes Aaron smile.

“No, there’s no one.” He laughs. “I thought, well, she’s been off somewhere. I thought, you’re all tanned and…”

“I went to visit my Gran in Spain, I swear.”

“I believe you.”

“Do you think that maybe I could take you out? Could we try again? Properly, I mean, no hiding.”

“On one condition. You come back to your sister’s wedding reception with me.” He smiling and then Robert’s kissing him, hands running through his wet hair and everything’s right suddenly.

*****

Aaron’s always hated weddings, had never even given a thought to what his own might be like. Not until Robert had proposed, on Valentine’s Day of course, like some romantic hero, on the steps of the cricket pavilion. It had almost become their place, where they could go when they wanted to just be alone.

They didn’t want fancy, the big venue, the flowers and all that. If they could have it would have just been the two of them. They were the only ones who needed to hear the words. That was never likely once his Mum got wind of it. The end result was a quiet ceremony, just close family, followed by the traditional Dingle party.

It was all going to plan, except Robert was late. Aaron wasn’t worried, not really, but there was a ball of dread growing in his stomach as every minute ticked by.

“I’m here! Sorry.” He let out a sigh at the sight of him, his mouth going dry as he took in the suit he was dressed in. “Hi.”

“Don’t ‘hi’ me. You’re late.” Robert’s grinning at him like a kid with a secret and it does the trick, calms him down.

“Just something I had to do. I’ll tell you later.” He whispered as the registrar came to greet them.

It’s a blur. If you asked him he couldn’t tell you what either of them said, the party or anything. Nothing until Robert had grabbed his hand and led him from the pub, not stopping until they were at the pavilion.

“What’s going on?”

“The reason I was late. You said you didn’t want to move to Leeds, to my flat…and look, I like your family, Aaron, but there’s no way I can share the pub with them.” Aaron laughed. Ever since Charity had taken over Diane’s share she and Robert had been trading insults.

“I told you it didn’t matter, that we could move into your flat.”

“You did, but I know you, you don’t want to leave here, and Vic and Diane are here. Anyway!” He cuts of more protest with a finger to Aaron’s lips. “The reason I was late, was because I was picking up these.” He pulls an envelope from his pocket, handing it to Aaron.

“What is it?” He can’t help but eye it suspiciously.

“Open it.”

“I want you to tell me.”

“I’ve bought Mill Cottage, for us. We can rent out the second flat, and it’ll need decorating but I figured mmph…” Aaron has found the perfect way to shut him up is to kiss him. “You, er, don’t mind then?”

“It’s perfect. Can we go and look now?”

“What about the party?” 

“They won’t miss us.” He takes Robert’s hand and they head back down the hill towards their new house.

Maybe weddings weren’t so bad after all.


End file.
